Tired

I realized the other day that my crankiness was caused by something more than being awakened at 6:30 AM by our hostess rummaging and banging around in the room next door.  I'm tired.  I'm not just talking about the kind of fatigue that comes from doing manual labor and struggling to put together comprehensible French sentences at the dinner table.  I'm deeply tired...tired of searching; tired of living in other people's homes and laboring for their benefit; tired of eating when and what my host chooses; tired of being managed by people who have no business being managers; tired of living without a personal space or boundaries; tired of sharing the very private lives of people who we wouldn't necessarily choose as friends, much less roommates and tired of starting projects that we'll never see to fruition and starting plants we'll never see growing. Ok, so it's not  the kind of stress - kids, work (or lack of it), mortgage, finances, etc - that most people have, but even so, I think we still deserve the opportunity to vent once in a while.

Yet, despite our complaints, we are still convinced that volunteering through HelpX is still the best way for us to reach our goal.  So though our personalities (especially mine) may not be particularly well suited to living communally and having little control over our daily lives, we persevere.

Fortunately, we are (cautiously) optimistic about finding a (predominantly) perfect place here in France.  There are countless, charming little towns and plenty of opportunities to find out-of-the-way spots with land and a house (though it may be in ruins).  Being in France has made us aware (by contrast to Spain) how much we missed trees and green and there seems to be no problem finding a place with lots of both.  It doesn't hurt either that Spring has arrived and with it, a profusion of daffodils, wild flowers and blossoming trees...so we keep on finding reasons to smile.